I got free pizza today, and it was so intriguing I couldn't stop eating. I had one gyro piece with lamb meat, gyro sauce, feta cheese, and onions, one Hawaiian (because it was positioned directly behind me when I sat down, so all I had to do was turn around during the speech and grab some), one crazy vegetarian/mexican thing with black beans, jalapenos, green peppers, and some spicy sauce, and one piece of burgers and fries, which had a tangy sauce to either mimic ketchup or barbecue sauce. I felt a bit too full after, but I went to work out in an effort to compensate.
Rowing again! I looked up what would be good times. I would be classified as a lightweight (under 165 pounds), and the record time for the current season for 1,000 meters is 3:02, 2,000 meters is 6:22, and 5,000 meters is 17:30. Averages are 3:34, 7:31, and 19:50 respectively. And I guess I should keep in mind that these are only averages of people who want to record their times, so they probably aren't including terrible people. My average pace over ten minutes yesterday would have given me a 7:40 for 2,000, or a 3:50 for 1,000. So assuming I can go faster than I did if I apply myself harder over shorter distances, I'm already better than average. I put in a longer effort today. I was thinking I'd try going for half an hour, but I sort of went too fast to start, so I called it quits at the 5,000 meter mark, so at least I got a time for that distance. I finished in 19:40-ish, which I feel is pretty good for my fourth time rowing. Heck, that's not far off a running time for a 5k! And it's already below average. Another reason I stopped: blisters! My hands are not toughened up to this particular sport yet.
I did a couple jump rope sets and went for a bit longer on my precor machine workout as well. As I was sitting around drinking water after cooling down on the rowing machine, three guys came up and started yanking on the machines for all they were worth. One in particular was obviously bigger and stronger than me, so I was curious what his times were. It turns out he was hitting 2:06 or thereabouts. And he quit after five minutes. So at least I'm not horrendous. And hopefully I don't look ridiculous, either!
Biking home was better than usual for two reasons. I saw a guy hand-cranking his way along the bike path on one of these:
He was flying, too, for that matter. I had to put a bit of effort to the pedals to stay close enough to gawk.
The second reason was that some guy was trying way too hard to ride his hipstery-looking road bike as fast as possible. He passed me a bit before some stairs (mandatory cyclocross dismount), and I wasn't going to react. My calf had started cramping up a bit at the gym, and I was a bit worn out. But then my transition at the obstacle caught me back up (I still do a flying dismount and quick remount in case my life ever depends on having this ability), so I tried a bit, staying with him until we got to a red light. After the light, I gunned it. Unfortunately, he was even more competitive than I gave him credit for, and I looked over to see him swerving between cars to get into the left-turn lane. Well, that also happened to be the intersection I turn left at, but we were going back at rush hour, so I didn't even try and get over. Instead, I turned right, biked to the end of the line of cars waiting, did a u-turn. and crossed when it changed. Sure enough, I looked over to see him stuck behind a car that didn't make it through on the green light going the other way. Justice!
I've been on facebook a bit more than I'd like to admit recently. I'll claim it's because my section is coordinating car pools for getting to the dinner my professor is throwing on friday, and also because there is a handball thread about who is playing when I check on, but mostly it's boredom, as I'm sure is plenty obvious. So here are some things that cropped up on there!
http://universityprimetime.com/school/unh/article/nurse-discusses-5-regrets-people-tell-her-before-they-die
Assuming this is a checklist, I think I'm doing pretty well. I'm actually really proud of the way I live true to myself. I feel very self-aware and conscious of the decisions I make. Sure, I set myself aside occasionally (not that much, obviously), but it's always a decision. I'm not conforming for conformity's sake. I'm conforming on my own terms, damnit!
I certainly don't work harder than I want to, so that's an easy one. I only commit to something when I'm ready to give myself over to it, and while this contradicts the "shoot for the moon, because even if you miss, you'll end up with the stars" strategy, I have yet to be severely disappointed. I like my approach (of course; I wouldn't be egotistical me if I didn't). Take advantage when something presents itself, and if something is too good to pass up, don't!
Of the five, not having the courage to express my feelings is probably what I consider to be my weakest point. Unless a person happens to be one of the three or four people I share things with, I am pretty guarded. This blog may be seen as evidence to the contrary, of course, but there's a pretty big difference between sharing my experiences and opinions and sharing my feelings. Sure, you get a general sense of my feelings, and occasionally I'll get at them directly, but when it comes down to saying things that I want, etc. I really don't do a very good job. Actually, now that I think about it, there's a pretty strong pattern there. I am not hesitant at all to discuss things I want to change, things that I don't like, or things that I am worried about, but expressing my desires or affirmative feelings is much harder for me. It ties back into the idea of commitment, sort of, in that I feel like if I say I want something, that obligates me to go about getting it or making it happen, so if I don't acknowledge it, I don't have to do it. I still want it, of course, but I don't feel like I'm letting myself (or others) down if I don't take steps to chase it. I know that's all in pretty general terminology, but hopefully the point got across anyway. Basically, I have an easier time complaining than saying what I want because if I express desire, I feel like I'm setting myself up for disappointment. Sure, I'll be disappointed anyway, but it's different if it's something I've acknowledged and failed at.
I don't wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. This goes back to the regrets thing again, obviously. If someone is actually my friend, it shouldn't be a chore to keep in touch, and even if we fall out of touch (like has happened with me and David or Chuck) when we get back together briefly, it still feels like old times. Granted most of the time is spent reminiscing about the good old times when we were actually friends, but that's fun in its own way. And after a while of reminiscing, it's easy to remember the reasons we were friends and feel like it's possible again despite the fact we don't talk much anymore. So there's no "wishing I had done anything different" because that's a silly things to impose anyway. If I actually wanted to do something, I would do it.
Some people who know me might think this is another issue I would have. I disagree. I outlined this fairly recently, so you might know where this is going, but I am not a generally unhappy person. I allow myself to feel happiness when it presents itself, but I don't go out of my way to find it, since I think there are a lot of very worthwhile experiences to be had in other emotional states. Plus, perpetually happy people are just annoying. It seems they've either deluded themselves or are genuinely too out of touch to realize there are important things occurring every day that, if you give them their due consideration, warrant unhappiness. So I don't smile that much, and I maintain a pretty even keel for the most part, but I love the fact that I'm alive, and I really am thankful for every moment I get to choose how I spend my time. Which is actually all the time. So on the one hand, I'm not happy on a consistent basis, but on the other, I'm thrilled constantly that my life is the one it is and that I'm a person I'm happy being.
One sentence from that paragraph in the article did ring a bell, though: "The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives [not choosing to be happy]." I know what the author is getting at, since I've certainly fell into a lull where I thought I was happy enough and set aside my priorities, but even during that time I was able to acknowledge to myself that I was still happy to be making the choice to be lazy. The moral of the story is that I value my volition really highly, I suppose.
http://cities.barna.org/the-most-post-christian-cities-in-america/
It seems I've moved away from the 42nd most "post-christian" city. And into the 30th! Progress! Weirdly, Cedar Rapids is more "post-christian" yet, but I'm going to content myself with here. It's just not worth having to live in Cedar Rapids. (Although the Magic scene there is quite good these days, actually. No handball though.) Thinking about living locations, it occurred to me that for the first time in my life, I have no real desire to go back to Ames. I still love the town, but the people just aren't a draw anymore. Seeing all that familiar stuff will just remind me of times I was happier relationship-wise, and knowing I'm in the same town as all the people I used to spend time with and now have no reason to I think will just be depressing. Even seeing my sister will just remind me that she's best friends with the girl I thought I would still be with, and it's not like we had that much to talk about to begin with anyway. Which doesn't leave much. The only non-nostalgic, actual reason to go back to Ames seems to be my parents. But I talk to my mom all the time anyway (obligatory acknowledgment here for Sarah S), and there's really only so much to do together. I'm sure it would be fun to play handball with the good ol' guys, but I won't improve my game by being there. Magic people have a relationship of facility and commonality more than personality, and I don't play here anyway. Sarah S said she'd have a boy visiting from Texas/Pittsburgh while she's back in Ames, so my time with her would be limited anyway (even more than usual, and that's saying something (I feel like I have to fight for every minute I spend with her because a lot of people demand her time. Or maybe I demand too much of it and am really selfish (probably that one).)). It's weird, because I love Ames, so my first reaction is looking forward to going home, but then the rest hits me and I'm left a bit bewildered. Is Minneapolis home, then? Not even close. I guess I'm finally the hobo people have been speculating I might eventually become.
Tea is incredibly cheap. I get 20 bags for like a dollar or something, and yet I'm still cheap enough to reuse them to the point they are probably absorbing flavor from the water rather than contributing anything. My process is this: I make one tall glass of fresh tea, then a second. Then I put the bag in with every other tea bag I've used to date and cross my fingers something good happens. So far the last step has produced what approaches tea. But of course, I have no idea what my standards for tea should even be. I know I've always thought tea tasted like weirdly-flavored water anyway, so maybe it all qualifies. Maybe I make my tea way too strong. Maybe I'm doing it all wrong. But hey, I had a good run at that quiz today, so I'm going to call it qualitea. (Stole that pun from Charlieissocoollike. And probably about a billion other people.)
Other things that indicate an upswing (or a lull before the storm of finals): I set up a time to play Matt Hiber next week. I don't have much homework (because I'm supposed to be studying, but I'm not), I have more food than usual because my mom is a master smuggler (smuggless?), the weather has been quite good, I get to sleep as much as I want tonight, I have honey crisp apples (related to the aforementioned smuggling), lots of people have said they'll show up to handball tomorrow, I get lots of free food all the time (eating a free salad as I type), and best of all, I'm not dead (less of an upswing, since I wasn't dead before now...)!
Thanks for reading!
No comments:
Post a Comment