Christmas post

It's been almost a year since I started this blog, and almost a month since I updated it last. But I've posted 95 times now, which is a decent average if you think about it. And if I wasn't so frequently overcome by bouts of malaise when it comes to posting, I probably could have done better. As it is, for a first year, I think it has gone pretty well. I'm not unhappy with the switch away from the stricter formatting I started with. It was good in that it forced me to work on the things I wanted to work on, but the more I think about it, the more I realize that it's not incredibly important to work on your weak points in that fashion. Yes, I have difficulty motivating myself to write fiction and to come up with ideas. But I've decided that the best way to go about tackling this is to wait. I generally hate saying much about my ambitions for writing, but recently I feel as though I have some ideas percolating and am optimistic they might find some sort of form in the weeks or months to come. Please don't ask me about this. It's all I want to say. I'll just leave it at "I have a computer of my own again, and I intend to use it."

I just got back from a trip to Wisconsin to visit relatives, and I must say that on the whole it was quite a success. Everyone was pleasant, and despite getting overwhelmed a bit by all the socializing on Saturday, it was good to touch base with everyone. I was beginning to get that nagging feeling that I hadn't seen these people in too long. I'm not sure when that feeling will strike again, but I'm glad we had the opportunity (and fantastic travel weather) to abate it for a while. As with every trip, I had some random impressions and thoughts.

The first problem I encountered was whether or not to be modest around my Dad's side of the family. Sometimes it feels like there is a bit of a competition amongst the cousins regarding who is doing well and whatnot. I played it safe and took the modest approach. When asked about my plans I said I was waiting to hear back about my second round of LSAT testing, didn't really say much about my score, and only gave further information if prompted. It was a bit funny, really, because the cousin I felt got the most attention wasn't even in attendance. Laura, recently-married, was the topic of choice when it came to people who were doing well. She recently changed jobs and makes a lot of money as the person in charge of the books for a large non-profit. The rest of the cousins there were sort of the deadbeats, I guess. I'm living at home, Joe is working nights at a heat-treatment plant, Jeanine is working while finishing up a grad school thing in an area she didn't really want to pursue in the first place, and my sister is still in college, and so won't warrant attention until next year, when plans are more required. But Laura always was the one with the work ethic, plans, and ambition. Plus, her wedding photos were beautiful. It left me in an awkward situation, since of course I feel like I'm still going somewhere, like I'm taking steps to make something of my life, but of course so do the rest of these people to whom I'm hesitant to give credence.

That whole thing led to another small realization: until you've actually done something as a writer, you're a joke. Joe is theoretically also interested in being a writer, to the point where when people are going around talking about what their kids are doing, he gets called the "famous writer-to-be" in the family. I almost choked. I've never read anything he's written, and he might be fantastic, so that's not really the point. The point is, I'm sure that's what people think whenever anyone says they want to be a writer. And when that person is me, and I don't really pursue anything to the point of submitting it, I'm sure it's just as ridiculous to hear. So now I'm the "famous lawyer-to-be" in the family. At least when someone says they're going to be a lawyer it occasionally means something to someone...

I have two more things to say about Saturday. The first is that, until I'd been to college, I never realized the significant role alcohol plays in this family, but this year I kept a bit more track of who was drinking what and how often. The growing boisterousness and increased volume, coupled with the further and further stretching for sexual innuendos, all of a sudden made a lot more sense than they did when I was younger. When almost half the gifts exchanged centered around alcohol of some sort, all I could do was shake my head. I don't see the point. It's probably just lost on me or something. The second thing I wanted to mention is that chocolate is delicious. The dessert of the evening was a chocolate-cherry trifle, and I'm going to cannibalize it into a chocolate-raspberry concoction soon.

Well, my parents are back from their bike ride, making continuing to write a futile endeavor what with all the conversation (feline and human alike). So I'll try to write a bit more soon. Maybe not as much about the trip. We'll see. I hope everyone had a great holiday. I know I count mine a success.